Chase
You don’t know me, but if you watch any of the cable news channels, or even the networks for that matter, you’ve seen me. Not all of me, but you’ve seen a big part of me. I’m that guy in the stock footage all the news channels use when doing an obesity story. Yeah, the one in the peach polo that doesn’t make it all the way to my shorts in the front, so you can see the bottom 6 inches of my belly. Just in case you’re not sure, the shirt is also so tight it makes my navel cave look like it is 8 inches wide.
I wear that polo shirt with tan shorts. You may recall the shorts don’t quite do their job. Some channels pixelate the top of my crack, but some don’t. They don’t try to hide the red areas from chafing on my thighs, and the scene usually ends with a pan down to my droopy socks on my gigantic calves. Then the loop plays again if the results of the study take a little explaining or the medical expert is droning on and on.
I don’t get paid for the use of that footage. They assumed I didn’t notice them shooting it out of the car window when I was crossing the street in front of them, but I did. I am a habitual CNN watcher (more Brook Baldwin!), so it was only a matter of time before I saw myself walk into and across 7th Avenue with my bag of donuts and muffins. Well, walk is probably too kind, with those feet splayed and the motions I have to make to get one leg in front of the other.
I’m still not sure I will do anything about it. I might be able to get some money from them, but that enters me into significant risk for even more unwanted publicity. So far, no one has picked up on it. Well, I have to get back to the TV. I think they are going to discuss a new study from UCLA after these commercials for cholesterol medications.