A Funny Golf Story (REALLY!)
As someone who has played golf since childhood, I have heard lots of golf stories, and some of them are funny but only to people who play golf. With that in mind, here is my funniest true golf story.
I had several friends who were good at golf when I was in college, and one day I was out with three of them. I have never been good; my lowest handicap has been 11, and at this point I had rarely broken 90. On this day, I was playing very poorly. I struggled to a 53 on the front nine (17 over par) and had just hacked my way through the 10th hole. There was no sign of encouragement and my frustration was high enough that walking off the course, something I rarely did, was looking to be the best option. The 11th hole is probably the easiest; a short, downhill par 5. I tried to take out my frustration on my tee shot and gave the ball only a glancing blow. It rolled off the tee and perhaps only 80 yards or so forward in the rough.
Disconsolate, I went back to my bag to put my driver in it and noticed a praying mantis along the tee in the longer grass near my bag. As my eyes found it, its eyes found mine, and we stared at each other for perhaps 20 seconds before I remarked about this to my friends. “That praying mantis just stared at me! My golf game is fixed!” If they were interested at all, they hid it.
I had a spring in my step as I walked to my ball. It didn’t take long to get there. The lie was good; normally I would not try anything over a 4 wood from the rough, but my mood was soaring and I pulled out my 3 wood. My swing felt powerful as I practiced, and then I launched a towering rocket out of the rough right down the middle of the fairway out of sight! It was the praying mantis!
I talked of little else as I strode powerfully down the fairway. My ball had traveled impossibly far, leaving me only about 180 yards to the middle of the green. I pulled out a 5 iron and had at it; another beautiful shot, a boring slight draw into the middle of the green that rolled towards the pin!
Now I was sure the praying mantis had changed my golf luck. One friend, Patrick Sweetra, happy to have seen anything good out of me, provided encouragement. The other, Thorr Pharr, was ambivalent.
You know, of course, I hit that 12 foot putt right into the center of the hole for a birdie. There was never a doubt.
The twelfth hole is the shortest par three, the only par three where you can see the hole when you tee off. I was first to hit after my stunning birdie and I launched a towering 8 iron right at the hole. It never wavered, hit just short of the pin and rolled around the lip of the hole before stopping just 18 inches beyond it. I just missed what would have been my first hole-in-one! Now I had a tap in putt for my second straight birdie, the first time that would ever happen to me! The praying mantis struck again. I was in ecstasy as I walked to the green. Patrick was even more excited, but now Thorr started to grumble.
“This praying mantis stuff is stupid,” he said. “It isn’t possible it is real.”
As he finished his sentence, I could feel the excitement leave me. “Thorr, you have broken the spell. It is over. All it took was one person having doubts.”
I stood over the putt knowing that even though it was easy, my fortunes had changed completely. I do not need to tell you I missed that putt and played terribly the rest of the day.